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Craig R Do You Really Want To Quit? 2018
Craig R Do You Really Want To Quit? 2018
I find myself in a different space tonight...
I've been viewing a few other boards for other addiction recoveries...
And noticing the similarities between them and this one.
They all have those who dabble with their quitting...
trying... but not really...
Then there are the old timers that know each try is a further step along their path...whether they succeed or fail.
The tragedy in it...
is that each and every one of these... addictions
Kills.
The amount of time they take...
and the method they use...
differ.
But the end result is always the same.
One of them is mostly socially acceptable because it does not incapacitate a person to the point where they cannot function and become a danger to others... smoking and nicotine.
The other one that I know is socially acceptable if it can be controlled. I can't control it. I know that I am lucky in being alive and not taking another's life because of it... that one is alcohol.
And yet there are still more for the narcotics... the sex addicts... the relationship dependency groups...
The point being...
If one kills me quickly and the other kills me slowly... the end result is still the same.
I.
Am.
Dead.
The alcohol can restrict my freedom to drive, remove me from society, poison my body and ruin my relationships with all the people around me.
My cigars poisoned my body, made me lie and ruin my relationships through the lies, restricted my freedoms by making me smoke in the rain...hiding behind the school....yeah... that was me.
Both, if not all, are a form of russian roulette... load the bullet... spin the chambers... point at your head... pull the trigger.
I'm reaching a point where this stuff is no longer a game or a place to visit for the fun of it... its becoming more about life and death.
To each and every person struggling... I need to ask the question my sponsor asked me ...the night I approached him to be my sponsor... "Do You Really Want To Quit????" My answer was yes.
I was hurting too much and needed someone to show me the path out of the hell I'd created.
Today... My hell is receding but still exists in my next poor decision...
Receding... as I reestablish and rebuild my relationship with my spouse... huh? yeah coming up on two years ago I was a breath away from a divorce. Today we live under the same roof in separate areas... but... I've had cuddles. I mean... I am no longer the repulsive person I was...
What does this mean for your quit??
Its about your choice... AND WHY YOU ARE CHOOSING...to quit smoking...or drinking.... or any other addiction.
I quit to change me.
I change me to remain quit.
I am learning to have morals.
I am learning that my impossible standards are no longer beyond my reach.
I am figuring out that each time I keep a secret and lie... I am being sick... and that leads me back to my hell.
When I am honest and expose those secrets... I can live with myself...with no regrets...
yeah..
This is more than just being done with smoking. This is a life changed.
This is more than just being done with drinking. This is a life changed.
White knuckling the quit isn't the same as recovering and choosing a different way to handle life without the crutch of the dis-ease of smoking. White knuckling is needed for the first bit... then your growth and learning will be needed... then your continued change and choices will be needed... then you will get to be and do more than you ever thought you could.
Well...
That was my ramble for thoughts tonight...
Thanks for reading me.
Peace and quittitude to ya's...
~Craig
Sober and S'mober