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AN AWESOME QUIT RAMBLING
REPOST from sheryl h. 1365 Days Quit On Or About October 20, 2019
I am in shock after reading this from sheryl h.
It could be me writing this… our lives seem so identical in the ways of smoking and totally dysfunctional family life… I thought I was alone… And now I see she suffered like me! The same! Thank you, Lord, for blessing us both, so very much, that she could write this absolutely heartfelt post and that I… have the sense to acknowledge how awesome it really is!
Just came across this post I wrote about a year ago... hope it helps someone today...
The longer I live without smoking, the more contemplative I become. Allowing thoughts to pass through my brain that were once very uncomfortable. You know, those thoughts... the ones that make you squirm and wriggle, as you suck in those stink sticks until there is a heavy veil of smoke pushing the rogue thoughts down where they belonged.
Because...what would be the point? No one wants you to rock the boat anyway. Not your parents. Or your siblings. Nor your friends. And certainly not your significant other. Keep quiet, keep the peace. Keep smoking, and everything will be just fine. You know... just don’t step out of line... for everyone else’s sake.
I grew up in a house where children were supposed to be seen and not heard. Early on, I learned to cope with life’s intricacies by shoving a cigarette in my mouth, getting my dopamine hit and shutting down my brain. Which included any emotions and feelings. I became a master of this denial technique. You know...the exact way my family of origin taught me.
It did not take long for me to become one of them as they made room for me at their smoke-filled, family gatherings. Offering me a sample from the crystal cigarette holder and whipping out their fancy butane lighters as soon as the filter touched my lips. And then we talked. And smoked. Becoming stronger in our attempts to not discuss the things that mattered. You know... in a cooing, familiar dance of addictive nothingness.
Until I began to realize that certain things did matter. And they mattered a lot. At least to me. Like health, love and life. And truth. It took an absence of all of those for me to question, yearn and desire something more. For better health. For a kinder love. For a gentler life. For authentic truth. For an ultimate sense of freedom.
For so long, my denial covered for my addiction. No more. Ever.
The gifts bestowed upon me by the mere act of laying down those death sticks has showered my life with all the things I yearned for... and beyond. And my brain is no longer chained nor contained. Above all else, I have uncovered the woman that I truly am. The one who was hiding under a veil of smoke. The one capable of giving and receiving love. The one who is no longer afraid. You know... the authentic being who was always there... the one that arose from the ashes.
Love yourself. Keep your quit. The gifts only get better.