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The Empty Tool Box
The Empty Tool Box
From: Kerry M ... posted (2) Years Ago, Circa 2017
I've successfully recovered from other addictions in the past and each time I let go of an addiction, I find that the substance wasn't really the problem. The substance was simply me attempting to use the same tool for ALL of my problems because I didn't have any other tools.
For example, in my early years, alcohol was one of my tools. It worked for a while but it was not always effective. Let's call it a sledgehammer. When the tool that was called for resembled a large hammer it would seem to work... but if I needed a saw, or a screwdriver, or pliers to get the job done, the hammer just didn't work. It usually smashed the whole project to smithereens and left quite a mess (you can easily see why).
So when I got sober I picked up some new tools using a 12-step program and the experiences of other people helped me fill my tool box. These tools were still new to me and I had to learn when and how to use them. It takes time to get good at new things. Since the sledgehammer wasn't in my toolbox anymore I had to learn to use my other tools when life got difficult. But I've found that these tools work much better than the sledgehammer and they usually take care of the problems without creating a big slew of wreckage (when I remember to use them).
Smoking was a tool too. Maybe a smaller hammer... let’s say a ball-pein hammer. I started using it a lot more once I gave up my sledgehammer because it resembled that once useful tool a lot. When in doubt I would reach for that tiny hammer because honestly, it looked familiar and I still thought what the heck... it might work this time. It's not as devastating a blow as alcohol was for me but its job was still to smash things... just a little more slowly.
Then I decided to quit smoking and I tossed that tiny hammer out of my toolbox too. Luckily I had a whole set of other tools, even if they were a bit rusty. The problem was that I wasn't really used to using them because that ball-pein hammer was still my most common go-to. What I've discovered is that without my go-to addiction(s) to "resolve" all my normal life stressors and feelings I HAVE TO use my new set of tools. I must or I will smoke again.
I found that I hadn't a clue how to manage stress, provide self-care, calm myself down, find serenity, or deal with other people and life. So I'm having to learn how and when to pick up and use all my new tools. Sometimes I even try all my tools and find that they don't work so I have to go look for a new tool to add to my tool box. Sometimes I can ask other people that have, nice, functional tool boxes what they use for each particular situation... they're usually happy to share what's working for them. Sometimes I just have to go try new tools and keep trying until I find one that works. But I can never go back and pick up that old sledgehammer or that little nasty ball-pein hammer... and why would I want to? They stopped working for me and I wouldn't want to clean up all the messes I KNOW that they make in my life. So I journey on picking up new tools along the way and getting better at using the new ones I have in my tool box.
Here's a little glimpse into my tool box. The old hammers took up tons of room, so without them there's more room inside for when I find new ones that work better.
~ Meditation time every day to be quiet and able to be in the present moment.
~ Eating healthier, more nutritious food.
~ Exercise, lifting weights.
~ Getting plenty of sleep.
~ More creative time (playing guitar, singing, art) hobbies I enjoy just for myself.
~ Deepening my spiritual path and spending more time learning about and surrendering to what I believe in.
~ Reaching out to people in my life that I admire, seeking friendship more.
~ Trying to find nice things to do for other people.
~ Positive self-talk and affirmations.
~ Asking for help from people when I need it.
~ Willingness to go to any length to protect my quit.
~ Focusing on Gratitude.
~Attending & practicing 12-step programs that help me learn new living tools.
If you're hurting take a look at your toolbox... is it empty? If so, get some tools! Start looking for new ones and put them into practice. Quit thinking about those old dumb hammers... they never really worked anyway and there are so many new, wonderful, tools to be tried.. there are tons of them here on the Q, get some!
Love and Light to you,
~Kerry