Quitisms from the Old Q
Quitisms
• 3D-Land: The 'real world' beyond the perimeter of QuitNet and your computer monitor- where you used to smoke. This is where food comes from.
• 401Q: Money that used to go up in smoke saved and invested for Retirement Village
• Ascending the Grand Staircase (1000 Days): The final honor bestowed upon QuitNet members who have stayed smoke-free for 1000 days!
• Ashtray Toss: For those who didn't throw all the ashtrays away on their Quit Date- the ceremonial discarding of the last ashtray in the house, in celebration of 8 months of quit.
• Big Girl, Big Boy Pants: At the beginning of Toddlerhood, Day 25: Design your Big Girl or Big Boy pants and STRUT them in the forums for all your Quit-buddies to see!
• Bonfire: A Q tradition in which Q members share their thoughts and stories while throwing their unsmoked cigarettes onto a virtual bonfire; often held in memory of Q members who have passed on.
• Bracelet: The "I Survived Day 3" bracelet; Q members design it themselves and invite their Q Buddies to see them model it in the forums.
• Celery is Under the Left Rear Tire: A secret code which would notify the HTBC (if it existed, which it doesn't) that a Q member had finally snapped and done in a cow-orker, authority figure, etc. The non-existent HTBC would then dispose of the evidence. Not that it has ever done so. See also: Cow-Orker, HTBC.
• Closet Quitting: Quitting smoking without telling anyone, for fear of ridicule due to past 'failed' attempts.
• Closet Smoking: Smoking in secret. Some QuitNet members have done this for years before joining the Q and 'fessing up.
• Clothing Optional (Nekkid) Kite Flight: Not to be confused with the Elder Kite Flight, a Q member must have 200 days smoke-free to be able to claim and acknowledge their right to THIS particular Kite Flight. Note: Silly Hat may be still be worn even if member is otherwise 'nekkid'.
• Cold Turkey: Quitting Smoking without quit-aids like the patch or Wellbutrin; picture a featherless turkey, shivering in the cold, to understand the origin of the term (applied to opium junkies back in the day).
• Cow-Orker: Evil co-worker who is secretly manipulated by the NicoDemon into doing everything possible to frustrate our Quits! See also: Celery is Under the Left Rear Tire and HTBC (not that it exists).
• CRS 'Can't Remember Stuff' Syndrome: common among those newly involved in the Quit. Caused by influx of new oxygen and the absence of nicotine in the brain. See also: Newbie, Oxymoron.
• Cyber-Trout: Your reward for reaching the end of Hell Week. A Quit-buddy will present the pan-fried trout to you: > \_________/----
• D/A-ed: What happens to accounts of members who consistently violate the QuitNet's Acceptable Use Policy, or who attempt to advertise commercial products on QuitNet.
• Doctor of Quitology: The highest Degree in the science of Quitology; conferred upon a QuitNet member who has reached One Year smoke-free.
• Dumpster Dance Ritual: performed while discarding all tobacco and smoking paraphernalia in the neighborhood dumpster, before setting it all ablaze and running like hell.
• Elder: A Q member who has been smoke-free for 100 days or longer. Elders sit in the front row of the Elder Lodge and wear Silly Hats, before or after which they design and fly a kite! Finally, the Elder is required to post a ramble in the forums, and go on and on about the many and amazing experiences of their Quit!
• Evil Twin: Indestructible character frequently blamed for subverting a Quit.
• Flying The Kite Brand-new Elder Q members: celebrate 100 days of Quit by designing and flying their own kites! Not to be confused with Clothing optional (Nekkid) Kite Flying. See: Clothing optional (Nekkid) Kite Flying
• Golden Boot (aka the Moppet): Our version of the Oscars, awarded at the 2-year milestone. Also known as the Moppet, in memory of a Qster who gave the Nicodemon two years of serious butt kicking.
• Hands Across the Q: A daily virtual human chain of QuitNet members who pledge not to smoke today, just for today, and then extend their virtual hands to the next in line. Such chains have stretched hundreds of members long.
• Heck Week: The week that follows Hell Week, usually less physically intense and characterized by a beginning acceptance of one's ex-smoking status.
• Heebie Jeebies: Sensation of constant restlessness and irritability common during early nicotine withdrawal.
• Hell Week: The first week of the Quit, often accompanied by severe withdrawal symptoms (especially in cold-turkey quitters).
• HTBC: Hide The Body Committee: -A secretive group whose function would be (if it existed, which it doesn't) to clean up after the mayhem created by frustrated quitters. Many of our members claim to have not belonged to the HTBC (not that it ever existed). But if it ever DID exist and if Q members WERE ever in it, the HTBC would only disappear the messes of other Quitters- never would it initiate destruction on its own. If it ever existed in the first place. Which we're not saying it does. Which, of course, it doesn't. See also: Celery is Under the Left Rear Tire.
• Keys To the Q: At three years quit, you're proclaimed an honorary Mayor of Quitsville, and are presented the Keys to the Q by those who've gone before you.
• Kicking Butt: The act of smoking cessation; feeling strong and confident about the Quit.
• Knighthood (500 Days): When you have reached the 500-Day mark, you become a Knight of the Q Realm, and are now worthy of membership in the Q500 Clubhouse- plus you get to make other members address you as Lady or Sir such-and-such!
• KTQ: Keep The Quit. A greeting used by Q members to remind each other of the high priority of the quit in their lives.
• LOL: Laugh Out Loud. A quaint Canadian expression that indicates a good belly-laugh. Melancholia The feeling of nostalgia.
• Newbies: Often have for their dear-old-friend-who would-never-fail-them, the cigarette- before they discover that their friend has been trying to kill them all along.
• Milestones: Milestones mark accumulations of smoke-free-days such as one week, 30 days, 180 days, 365 days, etc. Many have rewards attached to them. Some milestones have their own Quitisms (like Tweener for the 50-day milestone).
• N.O.P.E.: Not One Puff, Ever! ("I'm only one puff away from a pack per day!") N/T 'No text', indicating that the Q member has said all they have to say in the title of their post- no need to read further. Uses of these are generally discouraged in the QuitStop.
• Nate: That's DOCTOR Nate, inventor and Godfather of the QuitNet- quitwiz, wunderkind, mastermind of all QuitNet software, source of all answers, and owner of Vago the dog.
• Newbie: A QuitNet member in their first 24 days of quit, often afflicted with CRS syndrome.
• Nick/Nic: Nickname for Nicodemon and/or Nicotine. Nicodemon Nefarious character frequently blamed for human weakness to nicotine addiction. Also the cloudy looking monster sort, nemesis of the Q-ster, who sometimes cartoons around the QuitNet pages. Nicodemon is always trumped by Q-ster.
• Oxygen: Atmospheric gas that is delivered with great abandon to your brain (shortly after a quit) due to the sudden absence of carbon monoxide in the bloodstream.
• Oxymoron: Individual influenced by the stupor of excessive oxygen early in their quit. See also: Newbie, CRS.
• Perfect Ten: Not quite a Doctor of Quitology, this QuitNet member has achieved ten months' worth of smoke-free life, one day at a time.
• Ph.D. in Quitology: The highest Degree in the science of Quitology; conferred upon a QuitNet member who has reached one year smoke-free.
• Poor Person's Zyban: See: St. John's Wort.
• Practice Quit: Any effort to stop smoking that results in a new Quit Date.
• PUI: Posting Under the Influence: Often discovered by hung-over Q members, with great horror, the morning after.
• Q: Short for the QuitNet; also the big yellow thing on many of the QuitNet pages.
• Q-munity: All of us here at the QuitNet, interacting with each other, united in keeping ourselves and each other quit.
• Q-ster: Short for Quitster, a QuitNet member engaged in the Quit. Also the little woody-woodpecker Q cartoon character who consistently foils the NicoDemon.
• Quit: The process of ending the consumption of tobacco products.
• Quit Date: The day you choose to begin smoking cessation, often called the Longest Day.
• Quit-limerick: Silly rhyme composed in honor of a Quit-bud's anniversary.
• Quit Bud: A Quit-buddy, someone who works with you behind the scenes and supports you when all others have abandoned you.
• Quitliness: That indefinable quality possessed by people who have quit and stayed quit. It is next to godliness.
• QuitNet: The web site, http://www.quitnet.meyouhealth.com (Current Site Link:)
• QuitNet Hall Of Fame: The Q's most prestigious award, granted at 5 years quit. For all your hard work, dedication, and loyalty, you get to deliver an acceptance speech to your peers as they induct you into the Hall of Fame.
• Quitology: The scholarly study of the quit, ever-furthered by continuing to not smoke.
• Quitster: Q QuitNet member engaged in the quit who does not wish to be called a 'Quitter' (also called Q'ster)
• Quitstipation: Irregularity in bowel movements associated with smoking cessation, caused by a change in GI tract bacterium. See also: Quitulence QuitStop 1)
• Quitulence: Intestinal gas associated with smoking cessation, caused by a change in GI tract bacterium. See also: Quitstipation.
• Quit Zits: Acne pimples, sores, etc, that pop up on the faces of those who have recently quit. Science can't explain them but we know they exist.
• Ramble: Celebratory musings, posted in the public forums, normally delivered on or near anniversaries, but especially at the start of Elderhood.
• Recovery: Euphemism for the path from tobacco addiction hell to non-smoking freedom.
• Relapse: Resumption of previous levels of tobacco consumption; requires Q member to set a new Quit Date.
• Retirement Village: Where you go when you hit 10 years smoke free. Live off your 401Q quit-smoking savings; sit back, relax, enjoy life and good health.
• ROFL: Rolling On the Floor Laughing. Many members claim to do this, but do you REALLY think so? Canadian spelling: ROTFL ROFLMAO Rolling On the Floor Laughing My $@!#% Off. Many people claim to do this, but you never know for sure.
• Sidewalk Of Stars: Show up with four years smoke free, and we'll cast your handprints (or butt-prints!) in the QuitNet Sidewalk of Stars. Join a long line of Q celebrities so honored in virtual cement.
• Silly Hat: What a brand-new Elder (Day 100) gets to wear on the first and every subsequent day of Elderhood. When the Elder member enters the Elder Lodge for the first time, (s)he will wear the funny hat and sit in the front row.
• Skittles: Fruit of the skittle tree; homeopathic folk remedy for sudden cravings.
• Slip: Moment of temporary weakness in which tobacco products are ignited and inhaled.
• Slip City: Where you go to have a smoke during a quit, just across the tracks from Quitsville
• Smoking Dreams: Dreams in which Q members believe they have slipped or relapsed, usually followed by great feelings of guilt and relief upon awakening.
• Social Smoker: Person capable of smoking only occasionally without fear of addiction. A defective liver enzyme is the likely culprit. Syn: Casual Smoker.
• Socks: On smoke-free Day 10, Newbie members get to design and model 'Day 10 Socks' for their Quit buddies in the forums.
• Spurs: At Day 30, five smoke-free days into Toddlerhood, get some spurs to go with your new Socks and Big Girl, Big Boy pants!
• St. John's Wort (SJW): An herb that is shown to reduce mild post-quit depression in many Q'sters; also known as Poor-Person's Zyban Suffering $@!#% A newbie in withdrawal or the spouse or spousal equivalent of said newbie.
• Swat: The act of putting an undesirable character on your 'Swat List' Swat List The list of people you've barred from sending you Qmail messages or communicating with you in chat.
• T-Shirt Day: Design your own T-shirt at 2 months quit, and show it off to all your Q buddies!
• Thank Q!: Word heard more often at QuitNet than any other place on earth, and rightly so.
• Three Post Rule: If you think you're going to relapse, post a Help! message in the QS forum. Wait until you have at least three responses. If you still want to suck on a death stick after that... wait for three more.
• Toddler: A Toddler is a QuitNet member in her/his second 25 days of Quit. At Day 25, Newbies become Toddlers; at Day 50, Toddlers become Tweeners! See also: Big Girl, Big Boy Pants. Tweener The end of Toddlerhood- 50 days smoke-free...halfway to Elderhood! Post your Anniversary in the forums and attend a Wiener Roast in your honor.
• Unquit: Poor souls trapped in the neverland between smoking and quitting- seen wandering aimlessly, suffering guilt and withdrawal symptoms at the same time.
• Virtual Pet: On Day 75, 3/4 of the way to Elderhood, QuitNet members may design and animate their own (imaginary) Virtual Pet.
• Weak Week: The last full week of Newbie-hood. QuitNet members are often dazed and confused after the two preceding weeks of Hell and Heck.
• Wearing the Silly Hat: The initiation of Elderhood, celebrating 100 days of quit.
• Welcome Home Week: Annual reunion of QuitNet friends and veterans; 3rd Thursday in November through the 4th Thursday in November
• Wiener Roast: This is a big bash held in the forums, in your honor, on the day you leave Toddlerhood for Tweenerhood. See: Tweener.